I thought everyone would be better off without me – I knew it wasn’t post-natal depression but docs dismissed me

A MUM left feeling as though her loved ones would be “better off without her” was mistakenly diagnosed with post-natal depression for years before she discovered her true diagnosis. 

Naomi Farrow, 39, experienced extreme symptoms of depression for five years after the birth of her twins in 2014 – but it took three hospital admissions until one doctor flagged unique signs. 

HandoutNaomi Farrow thought there was more to her ‘postnatal depression’[/caption]

HandoutThe mum-of-three had a wake-up call when she saw her three-year-old trying to stop her babies crying when she was struggling to cope[/caption]

Until that point, the former NHS worker from Norfolk was told time and time again her symptoms were normal but she always knew something more serious was going on. 

She was diagnosed with bipolar, which in the UK, one in 50 people live with (1.5 million), according to Bipolar UK.

It takes on average nine-and-a-half years for patients to be correctly diagnosed with bipolar, and the average age at diagnosis has increased from 26 to 34 in the last 40 years. 

A person with type bipolar I will normally experience an episode of mania, while a person with bipolar II will experience less severe manic episodes but longer depressive episodes – and doctors may mistake it for depression.

Naomi said: “I’d always felt emotions probably a little stronger than other people.

“I had my first daughter in 2011 and I felt a little down after that but nothing that would warrant going to the GP. 

“Then I got pregnant with twins, the pregnancy was not an easy one, and after the birth, my mental health just went into a serious decline.”

Wake-up call

Naomi struggled to bond with one of her twins, finding herself going into a dark depression and even shutting herself away from the crying babies. 

“I came back to find my three-year-old trying to stop them crying with a dummy once and that was my wake-up call. I realised something wasn’t right,” she continued.

“I went to the GP and straight away they put me on antidepressants. 

“But with bipolar, antidepressants can send you hyper or even manic depending on what category of bipolar you have.

“I was completely hyper, I imagine it’s like what taking speed feels like. 

“I could see what I had to do in a day and just didn’t stop. I set up a charity for perinatal health, started campaigning, stood as a Lib Dem candidate and all these other bizarre things when my children were still babies.”

Naomi then split from her husband when the twins were just two years old and the stress of that sent her spiralling.  

“The divorce just tipped me over the edge,” she said. 

“I started having intruding thoughts, suicidal thoughts and feeling like I wasn’t safe. I felt like everyone around me would be better off without me, you truly believe that. 

“I ended up in a psychiatric unit. Between 2017 and 2019 I was in and out of the unit three times, with the longest stay around eight weeks.”

These stays were heartbreaking for Naomi as they took her away from her children.

“They’d be crying down the phone asking me to come home,” she remembered. “It was awful but I was in there for them.” 

Spotting the signs

It wasn’t until the last stay that Naomi finally got the diagnosis she’d been desperate for. 

Up until that point, no one had even mentioned the word bipolar to her. 

But one psychiatrist spotted a link when he asked her about her family history and mental illness. 

On speaking to her mum Naomi discovered that there was evidence of manic depression on her mother’s side of the family, with her grandmother having even been admitted to a psychiatric ward after she’d given birth. 

Bipolar disorder is often linked with family history with genetic factors accounting for approximately 80 per cent of the cause of the condition, according to Healthline.

In November 2019 Naomi was finally diagnosed with bipolar II. She was then taken off her existing medication for depression and instead prescribed Lithium. 

“It instantly brought me down like a lead balloon. I felt like I used to before I had children,” she continued.

“Before I was diagnosed I honestly thought I was mad. Then after the diagnosis I was elated, we knew what was wrong.

“But at the same time, the illness is forever and it’s not something that will ever go away.

“My psychiatrist told me there’s evidence of a link in women who experience a surge of hormones during pregnancy and how that can trigger the bipolar that might have been lying dormant. 

“This is why women are more likely to be diagnosed after they’ve had children.

“Now I look to the future with a bit of worry as I know the menopause also creates a surge of hormones but we’ll cross that bridge when it comes.

“My children are amazing and now recognise when I’m having a low day or a slightly hyper day. 

“They ask jokingly if I’ve remembered to take my meds. I don’t keep it a secret from them, and I hope that helps them as they navigate their own lives.” 

Naomi now juggles her illness with parenting her three children and studying at university for a degree in International Relations. 

During the height of her illness, she also set up a charity www.getmeout.org.uk to help women going through mental health issues after having children. 

But one thing she really wants to change is the time it takes to get people diagnosed with bipolar. 

“Since Bipolar UK was founded as a charity 40 years ago, we have never stopped campaigning on behalf of those living with bipolar and their families,” CEO of Bipolar UK Simon Kitchen, said.

“To help prevent the high rate of suicide in those with bipolar and to reduce this unacceptable waiting time for a diagnosis, we are currently campaigning for the Government to commit to prioritising bipolar in the implementation of their national suicide prevention strategy and to commit to reducing the average delay to diagnosis from five years to within five years.”