Abiodun was raised by an alcoholic father while his mother was the subservient punching bag who could not stand up to her husband. Abiodun grew up watching his father batter his mother under the influence of alcohol, and he could not do a single thing about it, especially since his mother always defended her abusive husband. Imagine seeing your father develop a dependency on alcohol without which he could not function.
How do you think you would feel every time you set your eyes on him? It was a traumatic childhood for this young boy. Perhaps he could have found solace in the company of friends, but his father never allowed him to visit friends out of fear that he might reveal what happened at home.
Abiodun felt his life was like a prison. He was not allowed to spend an extra minute in school once the closing bell rang because being late immediately translated to being beaten blue-black. He was really bitter towards his father.
When Abiodun eventually had his own family, he prevented his only son, Dare, from ever visiting his grandfather. Alcohol was also banned in the Abiodun household. But Dare was a youngster surrounded by friends who drank and rolled with the ideology that drinking was a sign of maturity, so he began to secretly drink. By this time, though, Abiodun’s father had outgrown his terrible ways.
He had seen how his lifestyle negatively impacted his family and hated that his only son, Abiodun, was not on speaking terms with him. He checked himself into a rehabilitation centre and had been clean for over a decade, but Abiodun had sworn never to have anything to do with his father.
Dare, on the other hand, was always curious as to why his grandfather was a no-go area. He had sneaked out many times to see his grandfather and, by his own analysis, found him pretty chill.
He would pay his grandfather secret visits to complain about his father’s domineering attitude. Abiodun was too blinded by his rage towards his own father to realise that he was suffocating his son. In trying to protect Dare, he made the home a psychologically toxic place for his son. Dare eventually snapped and ran away from home as soon as he could. He took to alcohol as a coping mechanism and before long became alcohol dependent.
By the time Dare began his own family, he tried to keep his children away from his “bitter” father, Abiodun, but a cycle had been established. Unless someone deliberately tries to stop this pattern, there will be a perpetual disconnect between generations, a trend we already see playing out in our dear nation, Nigeria. Perhaps, this is the root cause of our disunity as a nation. The psychological impact of bitterness and resentment can be profound. Abiodun’s unresolved trauma from his father’s abusive behaviour led him to harbour deep-seated anger and resentment, creating a psychological barrier that prevented reconciliation.
This bitterness not only strained his relationship with his father but also impacted his ability to connect with his son. Dare, in turn, rebelled against this oppressive atmosphere, seeking solace in the very behaviour Abiodun tried to shield him from. This story of Abiodun’s family is a metaphor for Nigeria. The alcohol dependency speaks to the corruption perpetuity that has unintentionally become an entrenched value system.
This value system has given room for bitterness and resentment to take a foothold between the older generation and the youth. Are we surprised that the disconnect between the old and the young in this game of politics and governance is fast becoming worrisome?
Nigeria as an entity has hurt its people deeply. The older generation, for example, has made mistakes, costly ones, that are almost unforgivable. Thankfully, as they age, they are forced to face the brutal realisation that perhaps, they made a mistake.
While I think that some are trying to make amends, I think it is also important to remember that this unresolved trauma has lingered for many decades and has created a psychological barrier that is preventing reconciliation. This is why today we seem even more divided as a nation than we seemed many years ago. Until this trauma is healed, I do not see a way forward for this nation.
In cutting off the older generation, we may end up creating another Dare, who would repeat the mistakes of the older generation. But if we embrace in its entirety the ways of the older generation, will we not make the same mistakes they did? Is there any way out?
I think there is. In my previous article titled, “Are Youth the Panacea for Nigeria’s Problems?” I explored the potential of youth in transforming Nigeria’s leadership landscape and how important it is to allow for an integrated approach where the wisdom of age converges with the dynamism of youth.
This inter-generational synergy is crucial in creating a psychologically safe nation and holistic wellness-focused people, free from the cumulative hurt and bitterness from the actions of the older generation. To address this cycle of unresolved trauma and bitterness, healing must happen, as biases formed in one generation can poison subsequent generations as has been established in Abiodun’s family and as we see in our nation today.
I think it may help for the government and other key institutions to formally acknowledge the wrongs and injustices of the past, admitting mistakes and the harm caused. While this is underway, what immediate remedies can kickstart this healing process? I think we can begin with the deliberate inclusion of youth in the decision-making process, at all levels and in all spheres, including the tripod of governance: the public sector, the private sector, and civil society.
I think a policy that compels every leader of stature to have a youth shadow them may trigger the healing process that can reconcile “Dare” back to “Abiodun.”
In shadowing, the youth has the opportunity to see why the older generation acts the way they do, why they think the way they do, and why they made some of the mistakes they did. It will be a hands-on experience to ensure that not only is there continuity but the possibility for forgiveness can be activated.
Time and again, organisations, both private and public, are recognising the importance of inter-generational synergy. Governments like Lagos State are establishing initiatives like the Lateef Jakande Leadership Academy, which enables youth to shadow cabinet members and Heads of Agencies.
Similarly, private organisations like the Aig-Imoukhuede Foundation are offering scholarships to West African youth interested in public service careers, facilitating their pursuit of a Master of Public Policy at the Blavatnik School of Government, University of Oxford.
I can see a deliberateness to include the youth in the decision-making process and I commend the older generation for being deliberate about this. The journey towards a transformed Nigeria is not solely the responsibility of the ‘Dares’ or ‘Abioduns’ independently. It is a collaborative effort.
By curating environments of psychological safety and national wellness, and by recognising and supporting intergenerational mentorship, we can create a leadership ecosystem that is resilient, adaptable, and responsive to the needs of our nation.
Omoakhalen is Fellow, Lateef Jakande Leadership Academy.
By Temitope Omoakhalen
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