Rishi Sunak is a drowned rat but Keir Starmer is no better

The pint sized Prime Minister was drenched and humiliated (Picture: REUTERS)

In more ways than one, last night’s election announcement had the feel of a 90s romcom. 

Rishi Sunak stood outside 10 Downing Street in the torrential rain, sharing his feelings and begging voters for one last chance to make things right. 

The pint sized Prime Minister was drenched and humiliated as D:Ream’s hit song – and New Labour anthem – Things Can Only Get Better, blasted so loud from a nearby protestor’s speaker that he was drowned out in every sense of the word. 

There may not have been four weddings, but it was certainly a funeral for Sunak’s political career. He is Prime Minister in all but name. He knows it, and so do we. Labour are going to win that General Election in six weeks time – that’s inevitable. 

Like many left leaning people in this country, I was initially thrilled with the announcement of a firm date in the diary – July 4 – for us to finally wake up from this 14-year Tory nightmare. 

But quickly, my mood was dampened almost as much as Sunak was. 

Because when Sunak exits stage left, he’s going to be replaced by Keir Starmer. 

Yes, that Keir Starmer. The uninspiring no-hoper, the relentless flip-flopper, the man who U-turns so much he must be dizzy, is going to become leader of this great nation. 

Starmer will win the election (Credits: Victoria Jones/PA Wire)

And I, for one, couldn’t be more depressed about it. 

Don’t assume I’ve got any kind of allegiance to the Tories. I was raised on a West Midlands council estate where despising the Tories came as naturally as breathing. 

But today, while I find myself chasing Sunak out the door, I wish we had a true alternative. 

Sodden Sunak may have got a lot wrong in his speech, but his scathing criticisms of Starmer were spot on. 

The PM slammed his opponent for abandoning his promises to become Labour leader, and not having the right ideas to take the country forward. 

I don’t agree with Sunak on much, but I can’t deny he’s right here. 

On the latter, I’d love for Starmer to have a plan to get Britain back to its best, but aside from a few clichés and buzzwords (what the hell is ‘securonomics?’) he doesn’t seem to. 

What is Sir Keir going to do about the migrant crisis? How will he get the 9.3million Britons who are economically inactive back into the workforce? 

Part of me doesn’t blame him, with the Tories doing so badly in the polls, Starmer doesn’t have to make any pledges to stroll into No 10. 

But, worryingly, what pledges he has made tend to be ditched just as quickly. 

One count in February totted up 27 U-turns, and with an election looming, where truth tends to be in short supply, I hope you’ll forgive me for not being filled with confidence in Labour. 

When Sunak exits stage left, he’s going to be replaced by Keir Starmer (Picture: UK PARLIAMENT/AFP via Getty Images)

During the Labour leadership race in 2020, Starmer promised to bring public services such as rail, mail, energy and water, into common ownership. However, he then ruled out nationalising the big six energy companies.

One of his other leadership pledges was to work ‘shoulder to shoulder with trade unions to stand up for working people,’ quickly shown to be nonsense when he ordered MPs to avoid picket lines. 

And that’s before we even get to the elephant in the room – Jeremy Corbyn. 

Sir Keir had served in Jeremy Corbyn’s shadow cabinet, endorsed him as a potential PM and campaigned for him in the 2019 General Election. 

After Keir won the leadership battle he even praised and thanked him stating: ‘I want to pay tribute to Jeremy Corbyn, who led our party through some really difficult times, who energised our movement and who’s a friend as well as a colleague.’

But fast forward a little while and Starmer has decided to trash his predecessor, blocking him from standing as a Labour MP, denying they were ever friends, and even claiming voters were right to reject the party at the election. 

So, like many, I don’t know what to make of our future PM. 

Because, it honestly does seem like this election is basically already over – bar the shouting. 

No matter when Sunak called the election, the writing was on the wall and it has been for months. The Tories will lose and Labour will win.

But before you celebrate the inevitable Starmer victory, ask yourself if we can really trust him to be any better than the Tory Prime Ministers we’ve had in the past decade?

He’s shown us his true colours too many times for me to believe he has the character and the principles to lead the country. 

So despite being delighted Sunak is on his way out, when Starmer becomes Prime Minister and stands outside Downing Street grinning like a Cheshire cat while waving to the assembled press, all I will feel is hopeless melancholy and despondency.

Britain watched with joy as Sunak was soaked by the rain. 

But I worry we’re simply swapping a drowned rat for a dry one.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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